Helping our boys respond with courage when people hurt them.

We have a natural tendency to cause each other pain. The reality of pain in a fallen world should not shock us. Christian parents must communicate this reality to our boys in such a way that they will not be surprised when they are on the receiving end of a painful blow.  We must also help them learn to respond to pain in a healthy way that will ultimately honor Christ. One of the unique ways that human beings deal with pain and fear is by assigning meaning to try to make sense of what happened. The problem is that we often get the “why” wrong. Our sinful reactions make our reflex responses ones of self-centeredness and anger, and through this veil of sin it is difficult to accurately interpret what is happening to us.  This process of assigning meaning must therefore be guided ultimately by what God tells us about people.  Our role as parents is to transmit this truth to our boy in ways he will understand, pulling back the veil of sin so that he can see himself as well as the person causing him pain through God’s eyes. This is particularly important because over time the way we make sense of pain will become engrained and will shape the way we make sense of new experiences. Parents must therefore seek, in the grace of God, to help our sons establish accurate and healthy habits of interpreting pain. To the extent we do this we are producing mature men and we help them avoid serious problems in the way they deal with life, themselves, and others. An example: Let’s say your son is singled out in class and ridiculed by someone he thought was his friend.  This will undoubtedly create pain and a desire to respond. We can all relate to the natural response, some version of:  lash out, withdraw, or run away to escape the painful feelings. And if he is left to make sense of this painful experience without guidance, he is likely to grasp at an unhealthy explanation such as,