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Building a Boy Backwards Part 1

Feature Art By Brian Marshall Jr.

When I was in high school my parents decided to build a house. They thought carefully about what they wanted the home to look like as a finished product then worked backwards to determine how much square footage would be required for each room, what utilities would be needed, and the type of materials that would be used. Before they ever started the house, they had detailed plans on what the foundation would look like and how sturdy it would need to be to support everything that they wanted in the finished product. Parenting our boys is an even bigger project with even bigger surprises, joys … and discouragements, so I want to encourage you with a building principle that helped my wife and me with the parenting of our boys: build backwards. Like my parents did when building their home, cast a vision for your boy when he is twenty-years-old and then work backwards to help direct your efforts and focus your limited energy. This may seem daunting or even scary. It’s hard enough sometimes to picture what your five year old should be like right now let alone when he’s twenty but I have good news. God’s not asking you to craft your own vision, He’s already provided it.

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Clean Up in Aisle 7: A Mama Meltdown

We were on a mission to Target and I was already exhausted. Snacks: check! Stubborn overloaded cart: check! Cranky child: check! Getting myself and two children ages one and two out the door was going to be no small accomplishment. “I need help” was not part of my vocabulary before I had kids. Independent, self-reliant, emotionally stable, responsible, and punctual, were words I would’ve used to describe myself before these little … bundles of joy … entered my life and changed everything! Though I found it difficult to admit, one word now seemed to describe my life as a young mom: “needy!” Key to my strategy for a successful trip to Target was to diligently avoid the toy isle, but somewhere along my predetermined path, Adriel, my two year old son, spotted a truck from his beloved CARS movie. “Hold truck . . . mine?” he asked simply, and with reluctance, I let him hold it. Once in his hands there was no going back. One of two endings would be my fate. My son was going to leave with a new $15 truck, or I was going to leave in tears with a 2 year old screaming in my arms. We recently moved from New Jersey, trying to adjust to life with two little ones and one income was a big change. We really were just getting by and a $15 truck was not in our budget.

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