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Training our Sons to be Citizens

Culture, Fall 2016, Valor ParentsSeptember 30, 201669Views0Likes0Comments
As we near the end of a very turbulent election cycle we have important decisions to make. The right to vote is the right to choose to whom we will hand the reigns of significant power; a power that impacts real people. How do we prepare our sons for the great responsibilities of voting and of citizenship in general? Human beings live in community. God designed us this way and cares about how we choose to live within our communities. As a means of helping us live together God also gave us institutions that bear real authority. Scripture identifies three of these institutions: Family, Church, and Civil Government. Because God designed these institutions for our good, it should not surprise us that the Bible has plenty to say about them and ample instructions about the tasks that they are to do and not to do. To equip our sons to be God honoring members and leaders in all three of these institutions we need to seek to immerse them in all that scripture teaches about these spheres of authority so that they will know how to help promote righteousness at home, at church, and at the ballot box. But as the election looms in front of us how should we be teaching our sons about their role as a Christian citizen?

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Just a Little Peace!

Fall 2016, Parenting, Valor ParentsSeptember 30, 201666Views0Likes0Comments
It was two decades ago, but I vividly remember the week my husband “surprised” me, his very pregnant wife, with an untrained, chewing, whining, fence jumping,  five-month old puppy.  It had been a rough few days when I finally reached my limit.  The whining from our unhappy pup had driven this hormonal mother of 2 toddlers to the brink of a mental breakdown and when our three-year-old Kevin began playing the drums by banging a pot with a wooden spoon and son number two began "singing" loudly at the top of his lungs, the noise became unbearable. Blessedly, with the racket of singing and drumming I knew I could keep an audible "eye" on the boys.   I had to use the restroom and thought “Good, I'll just go into the bathroom, sit on the toilet, take a sanity break, and enjoy a bit of ‘quiet’ for a minute". This was overly-optimistic.

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Building a Boy Backwards Part 1

Fall 2016, Parenting, Valor ParentsSeptember 30, 201667Views0Likes2Comments

Feature Art By Brian Marshall Jr.

When I was in high school my parents decided to build a house. They thought carefully about what they wanted the home to look like as a finished product then worked backwards to determine how much square footage would be required for each room, what utilities would be needed, and the type of materials that would be used. Before they ever started the house, they had detailed plans on what the foundation would look like and how sturdy it would need to be to support everything that they wanted in the finished product. Parenting our boys is an even bigger project with even bigger surprises, joys … and discouragements, so I want to encourage you with a building principle that helped my wife and me with the parenting of our boys: build backwards. Like my parents did when building their home, cast a vision for your boy when he is twenty-years-old and then work backwards to help direct your efforts and focus your limited energy. This may seem daunting or even scary. It’s hard enough sometimes to picture what your five year old should be like right now let alone when he’s twenty but I have good news. God’s not asking you to craft your own vision, He’s already provided it.

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Redeeming Pain

Parenting, Spring 2016, Valor ParentsApril 26, 201663Views0Likes0Comments

Helping our boys respond with courage when people hurt them.

We have a natural tendency to cause each other pain. The reality of pain in a fallen world should not shock us. Christian parents must communicate this reality to our boys in such a way that they will not be surprised when they are on the receiving end of a painful blow.  We must also help them learn to respond to pain in a healthy way that will ultimately honor Christ. One of the unique ways that human beings deal with pain and fear is by assigning meaning to try to make sense of what happened. The problem is that we often get the “why” wrong. Our sinful reactions make our reflex responses ones of self-centeredness and anger, and through this veil of sin it is difficult to accurately interpret what is happening to us.  This process of assigning meaning must therefore be guided ultimately by what God tells us about people.  Our role as parents is to transmit this truth to our boy in ways he will understand, pulling back the veil of sin so that he can see himself as well as the person causing him pain through God’s eyes. This is particularly important because over time the way we make sense of pain will become engrained and will shape the way we make sense of new experiences. Parents must therefore seek, in the grace of God, to help our sons establish accurate and healthy habits of interpreting pain. To the extent we do this we are producing mature men and we help them avoid serious problems in the way they deal with life, themselves, and others. An example: Let’s say your son is singled out in class and ridiculed by someone he thought was his friend.  This will undoubtedly create pain and a desire to respond. We can all relate to the natural response, some version of:  lash out, withdraw, or run away to escape the painful feelings. And if he is left to make sense of this painful experience without guidance, he is likely to grasp at an unhealthy explanation such as,

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Telling The Truth

Character, Spring 2016, Valor ParentsApril 26, 201670Views0Likes0Comments

He Couldn't Argue With The Chocolate ... But He Did.

As the mother of three boys who have grown into uncommon men, I must say, there is nothing like a sprouting, determined boy to challenge the wits out of an otherwise sane woman! When a mother meets an infant son for the first time, the atmosphere is charged with an assignment from heaven itself! But as the spritely little boy grows into manhood, moms often loses focus and forget the importance of our heaven-birthed commission. One of our sons had a problem telling the truth.  Our little boy was known for exaggeration, story-telling and complete deception.  My pastor-husband and I had sought diligently to make our home a haven where truth was valued and where integrity mattered greatly.  How could we have a son who was so truth-impaired?! Our children were not allowed to indulge in treats, unless they had earned the treat by a particular act of obedience, kindness or disciplined behavior. The reward candy was carefully hidden where no one could find it. One afternoon, while all 5 of my children were having a much-needed hour of quiet time, I sat on the back deck immersed in a good book.  When the hour was complete, I went back into the house to call the children to the school table.  When this particular son trotted into to the room, it was apparent that my husband and I were not as shrewd at hiding goodies as we had thought.  Chocolate adorned his shirt, his hands and his face.  This boy, with the evidence painted all over his 7-year-old body, denied having eaten the candy!  He even cried and begged me to believe him!

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