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Just a Little Peace!

Fall 2016, Parenting, Valor ParentsSeptember 30, 201666Views0Likes0Comments
It was two decades ago, but I vividly remember the week my husband “surprised” me, his very pregnant wife, with an untrained, chewing, whining, fence jumping,  five-month old puppy.  It had been a rough few days when I finally reached my limit.  The whining from our unhappy pup had driven this hormonal mother of 2 toddlers to the brink of a mental breakdown and when our three-year-old Kevin began playing the drums by banging a pot with a wooden spoon and son number two began "singing" loudly at the top of his lungs, the noise became unbearable. Blessedly, with the racket of singing and drumming I knew I could keep an audible "eye" on the boys.   I had to use the restroom and thought “Good, I'll just go into the bathroom, sit on the toilet, take a sanity break, and enjoy a bit of ‘quiet’ for a minute". This was overly-optimistic.

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Building a Boy Backwards Part 1

Fall 2016, Parenting, Valor ParentsSeptember 30, 201667Views0Likes2Comments

Feature Art By Brian Marshall Jr.

When I was in high school my parents decided to build a house. They thought carefully about what they wanted the home to look like as a finished product then worked backwards to determine how much square footage would be required for each room, what utilities would be needed, and the type of materials that would be used. Before they ever started the house, they had detailed plans on what the foundation would look like and how sturdy it would need to be to support everything that they wanted in the finished product. Parenting our boys is an even bigger project with even bigger surprises, joys … and discouragements, so I want to encourage you with a building principle that helped my wife and me with the parenting of our boys: build backwards. Like my parents did when building their home, cast a vision for your boy when he is twenty-years-old and then work backwards to help direct your efforts and focus your limited energy. This may seem daunting or even scary. It’s hard enough sometimes to picture what your five year old should be like right now let alone when he’s twenty but I have good news. God’s not asking you to craft your own vision, He’s already provided it.

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Redeeming Pain

Parenting, Spring 2016, Valor ParentsApril 26, 201663Views0Likes0Comments

Helping our boys respond with courage when people hurt them.

We have a natural tendency to cause each other pain. The reality of pain in a fallen world should not shock us. Christian parents must communicate this reality to our boys in such a way that they will not be surprised when they are on the receiving end of a painful blow.  We must also help them learn to respond to pain in a healthy way that will ultimately honor Christ. One of the unique ways that human beings deal with pain and fear is by assigning meaning to try to make sense of what happened. The problem is that we often get the “why” wrong. Our sinful reactions make our reflex responses ones of self-centeredness and anger, and through this veil of sin it is difficult to accurately interpret what is happening to us.  This process of assigning meaning must therefore be guided ultimately by what God tells us about people.  Our role as parents is to transmit this truth to our boy in ways he will understand, pulling back the veil of sin so that he can see himself as well as the person causing him pain through God’s eyes. This is particularly important because over time the way we make sense of pain will become engrained and will shape the way we make sense of new experiences. Parents must therefore seek, in the grace of God, to help our sons establish accurate and healthy habits of interpreting pain. To the extent we do this we are producing mature men and we help them avoid serious problems in the way they deal with life, themselves, and others. An example: Let’s say your son is singled out in class and ridiculed by someone he thought was his friend.  This will undoubtedly create pain and a desire to respond. We can all relate to the natural response, some version of:  lash out, withdraw, or run away to escape the painful feelings. And if he is left to make sense of this painful experience without guidance, he is likely to grasp at an unhealthy explanation such as,

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Clean Up in Aisle 7: A Mama Meltdown

Fall 2015, Parenting, Valor ParentsOctober 1, 201569Views0Likes0Comments
We were on a mission to Target and I was already exhausted. Snacks: check! Stubborn overloaded cart: check! Cranky child: check! Getting myself and two children ages one and two out the door was going to be no small accomplishment. “I need help” was not part of my vocabulary before I had kids. Independent, self-reliant, emotionally stable, responsible, and punctual, were words I would’ve used to describe myself before these little … bundles of joy … entered my life and changed everything! Though I found it difficult to admit, one word now seemed to describe my life as a young mom: “needy!” Key to my strategy for a successful trip to Target was to diligently avoid the toy isle, but somewhere along my predetermined path, Adriel, my two year old son, spotted a truck from his beloved CARS movie. “Hold truck . . . mine?” he asked simply, and with reluctance, I let him hold it. Once in his hands there was no going back. One of two endings would be my fate. My son was going to leave with a new $15 truck, or I was going to leave in tears with a 2 year old screaming in my arms. We recently moved from New Jersey, trying to adjust to life with two little ones and one income was a big change. We really were just getting by and a $15 truck was not in our budget.

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